A Separate Place
by Anna Nigma
Summary: Because once upon a time they were friends. Four boys. One girl. Seven Years.
1. Year 1: Contrary to popular belief

**Disclaimer: **_**Copyrighticus Mineakis **_**::waves wand:: Yeah that's right I own this. (Kidding don't sue me.) **

**Year One: Contrary to Popular Belief . . . **

**First Sight**

Contrary to popular belief the first time James Potter saw Lily Evans he did not think that she looked beautiful.

In fact with her long red hair and big green eyes he rather thought that she looked like one of his mum's Christmas ornaments. The ones with long spindly limbs that marched up and down the tree branches when they were tapped with a wand.

That year at Christmas he put the color-switching spell they learned in Charms to good use. So when he gleefully informed a red-eyed, green-haired Evans that he didn't really see any difference in her appearance no one was particularly surprised or sympathetic when, a week later, James woke up bald.

That the Christmas ornaments she resembled were his favorites had no bearing on the subject and he would not mention this fact to her until much later. Lily, expecting her new boyfriend to produce something sparkly and delicate, demanded to see them.

She was not amused.

**Friendship**

Contrary to popular belief Remus Lupin was not Lily's first friend among the Marauders.

It was Sirius Black.

Lily was the only muggleborn out of all the first year Gryffindors and while everyone had been at least moderately friendly she was still so busy trying to acclimate herself to the new environment that she had not found the time to get close to anyone.

Sirius, facing disappointment and open hostility from his family and suspicion from his housemates, decided to befriend her out of spite.

Despite this rather inauspicious beginning the two proved to be a surprisingly good match. Lily did not know enough of the Wizarding World to have heard about his family and found him to be an invaluable source of information whose snarky comments about the professors, Houses, and other students made even History of Magic enjoyable. In Lily, Sirius found someone witty and intelligent who was willing to listen and, more importantly, willing to laugh.

Of all the Marauders Sirius would later accept Remus's lycanthropy with the most ease and though he would never tell anyone he would privately attribute this to his friendship with Lily. He had seen how wrong society could be before, and had long ago discovered that friendship was worth the censure of people whose opinions he had long since ceased to care about.

**Rivalry**

Contrary to popular belief neither James nor Sirius started the feud between the Marauders and Severus Snape.

Remus did.

Lily and Remus had soon found that, as the two most academically minded Gryffindor first years, it would benefit them both to become study partners.

Severus Snape did not agree.

In fact he disagreed to such an extent that he did everything in his power to disrupt them.

Remus, out of respect for the fact that the boy was a childhood friend of Lily's, put up with his behavior for as long as he could but even the most mild mannered of people have their breaking point. Remus reached his a week before a major Potions essay was due when Severus spilt unvanishable ink all over his finished copy.

After enlisting the help of his friends Remus proceeded to start what would become one of the greatest rivalries in Hogwarts' History over homework.

For the rest of the week at the precise time that Remus and Lily would make their way to the Library, Severus Snape would find himself alternately locked in a broom closet, the boys' loo, an abandoned classroom, cocooned by his bed curtains, held captive inside a suit of armor, and stuck to the ceiling of the Great Hall with a time release version of the Permanent Sticking Charm.

Remus got full marks on his paper.

**First Crush**

Contrary to popular belief James Potter was not the first Marauder, or even the second, to have a crush on Lily Evans.

Peter was.

And the whole thing was based upon the fact that she was the only girl in the whole school who would rather talk to him than to James.

The fact that he still lost to Remus and Sirius would plant the first small seed of resentment towards his friends in his heart.

It would grow.

**A/N: This fic will have eight chapters (one for each year and an epilogue) and each will have a theme. This chapter's was obviously 'contrary to popular belief' next chapter will probably be 'keeping'.**

**Reviews and constructive criticism are appreciated. Nit pick at my grammar I'm begging you, tell me where the prose is rough I swear I won't flip and send an angry reply or bash you in the A/N in the next chapter. **


	2. Year 2: Keeping

**Disclaimer: Not Mine**

**Year Two: Keeping …**

**Busy**

It was a widely known fact among Hogwarts students that Lily Evans was always busy.

It was a not so widely known fact that this was due to a complete inability to sit still.

Sirius thought that it was rather surprising that more people hadn't noticed this about her. It was fairly obvious; her roommates teased her enough about her habit of flailing about in her sleep. Even in classes, which she took far too seriously in his opinion, she fidgeted constantly. She was always tapping her quill or bouncing her leg or flipping through her textbook.

Potions was undoubtedly the worst.

The long minutes that potions required to simmer undisturbed between steps drove his friend absolutely mad. He had nearly died laughing the day that Professor Slughorn had complimented her dedication to his subject and how she 'took the initiative' by getting ahead in her reading for the class during those breaks.

Lily was not dedicated.

Lily was bored.

This constant motion and energy made it all the more disconcerting for him to see her lying so still.

He shivered and clenched James's invisibility cloak tighter between his hands. His visit to the hospital wing had been rather spontaneous and he now regretted his lack of foresight. He had been in such a rush to see her that he had neglected to put on his slippers and without a robe over his thin silk pajamas he would be lucky if he didn't end up in here with her.

She was abnormally pale but her cheeks were flushed and he could hear her breath rattling around in her chest. She looked very ill and the bed she was in seemed to swallow the small girl.

Sometimes he forgot how tiny Lily actually was. Her personality was so big that after a while people tended to forget that she wasn't.

"Sirius?" The voice was croaky and thin and Sirius's head snapped up so fast at the sound of it that it was a miracle that he didn't pull a muscle.

Lily's usually clear green eyes were hazy with a combination of sleep and fever and she blinked slowly and brought up a hand to rub at them.

The fact that she probably couldn't see it didn't stop Sirius from dropping the cloak like it had burned him and kicking it discreetly under the bed. He had not expected her to wake up and hoped that it hadn't been because of him.

" 'Lo Lily" His voice was sheepish and he edged closer to the bed and noted with relief that this helped her eyes to focus. "How're you feeling?"

"I shall be perfectly lovely as soon as someone removes the rampaging dragon from the inside of my head." At this Sirius grinned and moved closer still, she had closed her eyes by now and he opened his mouth to make a joke about extraction methods when he was interrupted.

" 'S odd, being sick with the flu today." Her voice was dreamy, light. " 'S what she died of you know, complications from the flu. Tuney has never really forgiven me for bringing it home from school, just like she's never forgiven Daddy for not taking her to the doctor sooner. 'S not his fault though." Her eyes had opened again and she was looking at him as if it were very important that he believe this.

"Mummy was always so stubborn. No one could ever convince her to do something she didn't want to."

Sirius had already known that Lily's mother was dead. She had briefly mentioned that her mother had passed away when she was small soon after they had become friends but she had not elaborated and he had not pushed the subject.

"Wasn't your fault either."

"I know." The answer was automatic, practiced but it lacked Lily's customary conviction, as if she knew the answer to be true but did not _quite_ believe it.

"It's just," She paused for a second to yawn, almost asleep once more. "It's just that it's easier to be busy today."

Sirius remained silent, struggling to think of an appropriate response but by the time he had managed to come up with one she had already fallen back to sleep.

He closed the remaining distance between himself and her bed and settled himself next to her. He laid down on his side and propped his elbow up on her pillow. She was remarkably still and he paused for a moment to wonder if her roommates had been exaggerating.

Lily, of course, chose that precise moment to fling an arm to the side, inadvertently smashing him hard across the face.

Sirius stifled an indignant yelp and grinned.

He was willing to bet that by tomorrow Lily would drive Madame Pomfrey mad enough with her twitching that the old bat would release her out of concern for her own mental health.

Things would go back to normal. Lily would fidget and fuss and tease, she would arrange study groups and draw pictures on the backs of his finished essays and do all of her homework weeks in advance.

She could not be still for long.

**Secrets**

Remus knew better than most that there were some secrets that needed to be kept.

He also knew better than most that in order to keep such secrets it was occasionally, read often, necessary to lie.

Remus sighed and attempted to focus on the parchment in front of him but there were only three days left until the full moon and he was tired and achy.

"Remus are you alright?" Lily's voice was concerned and she had stopped writing to send a worried look his way.

"I'm fine." Lie.

"Are you sure? You look a bit peaky." Her eyebrows were drawn together and she looked ready to leave her seat and check his temperature at the first sign of illness.

"Quite sure." Lie again.

She did not look convinced so he elaborated.

"I haven't been sleeping well." That was true enough.

"Worried about classes?" She was still looking at him and the weight of her large green eyes made him feel like the worst kind of person alive.

"Yes." Lie, lie, lie.

She seemed satisfied at that and was about to turn her attention back to her paper when he opened his mouth to speak again. It would be best to get it all over with at once, like ripping off a bandage.

"Lily, I won't be able to make it to the study group on Friday." True.

"Why ever not?" She looked up once again, curious. The absolute lack of suspicion in her gaze made Remus's stomach roll unhappily. Out of all his friends Lily was the hardest to lie to because she always believed him without question. Sometimes he wanted to resent her easy acceptance of his lies but the closest he had ever managed was queasy.

"My Great Aunt Millicent is coming to visit and she's old and has been ill so my mum wants me home to see her." He was surprised that his nose was still small enough to make it around corners.

"Oh." Her voice was softer than before, as were her eyes. The sympathy in them made him want to hide under the table for the rest of his life.

Lily must have seen something of this in his posture because in an instant she moved from her side of the table to his, wrapped her arms around his neck, and leaned her cheek against his hair. Lily was very affectionate with her friends; he knew that. Sirius had once half-jokingly confided to Remus that he received more hugs in month around Lily than he had gotten in the first eleven years of his life.

But even knowing that, the sudden gesture of affection threw him horribly off balance. His throat ached and his eyes burned fiercely and his hands seemed to acquire a mind of their own and fisted themselves in her school robe. He turned his face toward her neck and waited for the world to realign before pulling away.

"Sorry." Absolute truth.

Lily smiled gently and moved away to begin packing up her things.

"Nothing to be sorry for." Lie, though she didn't know it.

She had finished packing her bag and turned to look at him expectantly. He shook himself out of his daze and hastily shoved his own things into his school bag and stood up intending to follow behind her to the Common Room.

Lily however seemed to have other plans and grabbed his hand and began leading him the direction of the kitchens talking happily about hot chocolate with marshmallows and cookies.

Remus understood secrets.

What he didn't understand was why, quite suddenly, the fact that his stomach acted oddly whenever she was around and the fact the that the hand that she was holding seemed to have acquired a pleasant case of pins and needles seemed to be his largest one.

**Track**

Peter was good at keeping track of things.

He kept track of how many pranks he and his friends pulled in a week (eleven so far and it was only Friday), of how many goals James scored during the latest Quidditch match (twenty-six), of how many girls were in love with Sirius (nineteen currently but that was subject to change), of the days until the full moon (four).

But mostly he kept track of Lily.

Of her grades (perfect), of her female friends (not as pretty as her), of her personal effects (she was always losing them), of the number of times she fought with James a week (about seventeen), of how often she was with Remus and Sirius (far too often if you asked him, which she didn't), and especially of how much time she spent with him (not much).

Peter was always keeping track of his friends.

Sometimes he wished his friends would try a bit harder to keep track of him.

**Out of Her Way**

James Potter was walking back to the common room feeling ridiculously pleased with himself.

It had been a good week. The weather had been lovely, Gryffindor had won the match against Ravenclaw, and thanks to his demonstration in DADA on Wednesday his House was also ahead in points. But the crowning glory of the week was unquestionably his prank on Evans.

It had been beautiful, one of his best, and had required hours of careful planning. All of that time had been worth it, however, to see Evans run down the girls' stairs covered in feathers, her nose and mouth transfigured into a beak, unable to do anything other than cluck helpless at him in rage. The picture he took of her had been worth the black eye she had given him after the spell had worn off and her wings had turned back into arms.

The only thing that had been even remotely displeasing about the week had been his traitorous friends' refusal to participate in the prank in any way. They had even refused to assist him in dealing with the fallout. It was the first time a Marauder had been assigned detention alone.

All had come to rights in the end, however. Evans hadn't even retaliated, although for the first three days immediately following Operation: Cluck she had looked ready to strangle him whenever she saw him.

This ridiculous overreaction was what had lead to his current mission Operation: Keep Away, as in keep himself away from Evans until he was no longer in danger of losing body parts. Operation: Keep Away was actually surprisingly hard once one considered that they had all the same classes and shared a common room, not to mention a friend group.

Thankfully that mission was almost over. By day four Evans had no longer looked murderous or even as if she would seriously main him if he got within one hundred feet of her. It was day six and James was confident that had retaliation been on its way it would have arrived before then.

He started to hum a jaunty tune and nodded politely to all the portraits on the way to the common room feeling very smug indeed when a hand seemed to appear to out of nowhere and yanked him into an unused storage room.

"_Colloportus._" The voice attached to the arm sounded as smug as he had felt a moment ago.

He turned around slowly, stomach somewhere around the vicinity of his trainers, already knowing what he was going to see.

Lily Evans was leaning against an old desk lazily twirling her wand between her fingers, the epitome of casual. She nodded genially towards him and his shoulders tensed further. Lily was scariest when she was quiet-angry.

"Hello, Potter." Her voice was polite and if one didn't look into her eyes, which were currently sporting a slightly feral expression, she looked as if she was not interested in the boy in front of her at all.

She stopped twirling the wand and pointed it at him looking directly into his eyes and allowed a mad grin to make its slow way across her face.

James gulped.

He was glad that the week had been an unusually good one, as it seemed as if it would also be his last.

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**A/N: Next up is 'Silver'. Reviews make the world go round. J**

_**Colloportus is used to seal doors**_


	3. Year 3: Silver

**Disclaimer: Not Mine**

**A/N: Sorry this was so long in coming but there are a great many reasons for that which are too many and varied to get into right now.**

**Year Three: Silver . . . **

**Earrings**

When Peter saw Lily for the first time that morning he instantly knew that something was wrong. This had little to do his sharp observational skills and a great deal to do with the fact that Lily looked like she'd spent a good portion of the morning crying. He was immediately worried, as were Remus and Sirius. Lily wasn't the sort of girl to cry at the drop of a hat. Whatever was wrong was bound to be serious. Even James was concerned although it was obvious that he'd rather eat a dungbomb than admit it.

After some coaxing, Lily confided that she'd lost one of a pair of earrings that had belonged to her mother. Lily's mother had passed away when she was little and most of her jewelry had gone to Lily's older sister Petunia. The earrings were one of the few things Lily had left of her mother and were the only things that she could bring with her to Hogwarts.

She'd apparently spent the entire morning looking for it, retracing her steps again and again. Unfortunately her search hadn't borne any fruit and the earring remained lost.

By the time she finished speaking she looked ready to start crying again and in the interest of making her stop, Peter and the other Marauders volunteered to help her look for it. Lily thanked them morosely and after warning them that summoning wouldn't work as she had anti-summoning charms on all her jewelry wandered off to continue searching on her own.

The boys spilt up so that they could cover more ground. As usual James and Sirius immediately gravitated towards one another leaving Remus and Peter in a group by default. Normally Peter didn't mind this arrangement at all. While James and Sirius were his friends and he knew they weren't ever _intentionally_ mean to him sometimes they could be condescending, often simply dismissing his ideas and opinions out of hand. Peter knew he wasn't as clever as they were but that didn't mean he _never _had any good ideas.

Remus, on the other hand, listened when he spoke, at least most of the time. Remus went out of his way to help when Peter was having a bad day or a hard time in his classes. Remus was the one who would intervene when the other two's teasing got out of hand.

Remus was _nice_.

Always.

It could get rather annoying really.

There were only three days left before the full moon and Remus looked like he hadn't slept in about a week. He was always achy and tired and just generally miserable in the days leading up to his transformation although Peter could tell he was trying hard to hide it.

Yet he still went out searching for Lily's earring with the rest of them.

Peter and Remus were given the lower half of the castle and they scoured what seemed like every inch to no avail. The earring was still lost and they were both exhausted. Not wanting to give up but not knowing what else to do Peter suggested searching the Quidditch pitch, only realizing what a trial it would be for his ailing friend to be out in the January once they'd already been outside for close to an hour.

He was about to suggest that they go back in when Remus suddenly cried out. Peter rushed over, concerned for his friend who was clutching his right hand to his chest and grimacing in pain. While moments earlier the other boy had simply appeared unwell, he now looked downright ill. His face was a pasty shade of whitish-green, his breathing was uneven, and he seemed to be swaying slightly as if he were struggling to remain upright.

At his feet, gleaming innocently in the evening's fading light, sat Lily's earring.

"It's silver," he bit out, obviously in pain. "I picked it up. I forgot. I didn't realize." Remus stopped speaking and moaned, turning even paler than before. A painful looking burn in the exact shape of Lily's missing earring marred the palm of his right hand.

Peter winced in sympathy and quickly scooped up the wayward ornament before moving to assist his friend. Most of time silver didn't bother Remus. It was only in the days immediately leading up to the full moon that he was sensitive to it. Since finding out about their compatriot's condition at the end of last year Peter, James, and Sirius were always very careful to keep any silver objects in their possession well away from their friend during this time.

Lily, however, still had no idea that one of her friends was a werewolf and so hadn't seen the need to warn them about the missing bauble's composition. They had all seen her wearing them often enough that she hadn't even needed to elaborate on which pair they were beyond the fact that they had been her mother's.

But bad luck and absentmindedness aside, it still fell to Peter to get his sickly companion to the Hospital Wing, no easy task considering Remus had hit a growth spurt over the summer and was currently a good six inches taller than him. The journey was a silent one. Remus appeared to be gritting his teeth and Peter was in no mood for conversation.

Ever observant, Peter had noticed early on in the school year that he was no longer the only one of his friends harboring a crush on Lily. Remus, although he'd never expressly said anything, was obvious enough about his feelings that it had been almost pathetically easy to find him out. Sirius was behaving oddly around her too, although in that case Peter doubted that his friend actually knew what he was feeling.

It had made things much harder than they already were. If a competition _did_ eventually emerge between the three of them Peter had no illusions about his chances of coming out the victor.

And so, on the way to Hospital Wing he schemed.

Lily was a smart girl. She was observant, she was curious, and there was nothing she loved more than a good mystery. Because of this the Marauders were always particularly careful not to reveal anything to her that could draw her attention to Remus's frequent, and suspiciously timed, absences. The odd burn on the werewolf's hand from picking up the silver earring was exactly the sort of thing that would engage her curiosity.

It was suspicious.

Remus dreaded, more than anything else in the world, the thought of appearing suspicious.

So when Peter brought that point up to his bedridden fellow once Madame Pomfrey had bustled off to collect more potions he wasn't at all surprised when Remus blanched and immediately begged him to keep Lily in the dark about his part in finding the lost earring.

He _was_ surprised, however, when he realized that he wasn't happy about it.

Peter trudged down the corridor back towards Gryffindor Tower. He _should_ be happy. He'd done what he'd wanted to do, he'd _succeeded _for Merlin's sake and yet he didn't, couldn't really, feel good about it. Peter knew that no matter how long or how hard he'd searched the fact that Remus had done the same while ill would be more impressive. Peter desperately wanted Lily to be impressed with _him_ for once rather than with one of the others but because Remus was _nice_ even the thought of concealing his part in the affair was making Peter feel like the worst kind of schmuck alive.

It wasn't as if Remus would _mind._ He tried to tell himself. Hell, Remus had _asked_ him, _begged_ him to conceal it. He was _protecting_ his friend not cheating him, not really.

Peter felt nauseous.

He reached the entrance faster than he wanted and stood outside for a few minutes before murmuring the password quietly. The Fat Lady was silent, her usual nosiness mercifully absent.

The common room was characteristically warm and bright. The sounds of happy chatter and various amusements filled the air. It seemed odd to Peter that the world should carry on exactly as it always did while he was faced with such a dilemma. It didn't seem fair that his turmoil was so insignificant everyone. Peter longed to be important.

He spotted Lily surrounded by a few of her female friends in one of the darker areas of the common room. She was obviously still upset and her friends didn't seem to be having much luck consoling her. The knowledge that he had the power to succeed where they were failing went a long way towards banishing his odd melancholy and when he marched over there was even a little bit of triumph on his face.

Peter passed by the other girls by without really looking at them and came to a stop directly in front of Lily, holding a closed fist out in front of him. She looked up from where she'd been staring morosely at the floor and opened her mouth as if to speak. However, before she could manage even a single syllable he silenced her by opening his fingers, displaying his captured prize for all to see.

For a moment she simply stared at it, wordless and wondering, before she exploded into motion.

"You _found_ it!" she cried, launching herself off the couch to embrace him. Her eyes were shining and she was smiling wider than he'd ever seen.

Peter nodded silently and she hugged him again, practically vibrating with happiness. He stayed quiet as she thanked him loudly and repeatedly, rather overwhelmed at the amount of gratitude being thrown his way by the girl he admired. He tried to bask in the attention while it lasted but he couldn't quite manage to banish the growing sense of guilt her heartfelt appreciation was awakening in him. He was well aware that he didn't deserve all or even most of it.

A good part of it righty belonged to Remus.

"Oh Peter, I really can't thank you enough," she said earnestly. "You have no idea how much these earrings mean to me. When I realized I'd lost one I didn't know what to do. Where did you find it?"

Peter froze, his stomach lurching. He could lie. He could lie and Lily would never know the difference, would never know that he wasn't really the one who'd found it, would never even suspect that the person who actually had was, at that very moment, lying in the Hospital Wing because of it. And no one, not James or Sirius or even Remus, would blame him for it.

Because they'd think he was doing it for them.

He wouldn't be doing it for them.

Peter knew that if he did lie, if he did take credit for finding the earring, it wouldn't be because he'd wanted to protect his friend.

So he didn't lie.

"Remus is the one that found it actually. He hasn't been feeling well for the past few days, you've seen him, but he went out looking for it just the same. James and Sirius went upstairs to look and Remus and I went down. When we couldn't find it inside went to look around at the Quidditch pitch."

"But it's freezing outside right now!" Lily exclaimed. "If he already wasn't feeling well then he shouldn't have even thought about going out."

Peter nodded and continued. "We were out there for about an hour before he found it but by then he really wasn't looking too well so I took him to see Madame Pomfrey before coming back here."

"Poor Remus," Lily whispered. Her voice was soft and worried but admiration shone clearly from her face. "He really is too sweet for his own good, going outside like that in this weather when he was already ill."

The other girls nodded their assent and all added admiring comments of their own. Remus was already well liked by his female classmates for being a gentleman and it was clear that this latest show of chivalry was only going to raise their opinions of him farther. It didn't take long before the idea of visiting him to thank him in person was brought up. Peter squashed it quickly.

"Pomfrey's already said no visitors for the rest of the night. She kicked me out almost right away. And he's going home to visit that Uncle of his tomorrow so you'll have to wait until he comes back."

Lily looked disappointed. So did her friends. Peter tried not to be jealous but it wasn't really working. He was just about to sneak off to the dorm where he could fight his own disappointment in peace when Lily started speaking again.

"You know Pete, most boys would have taken credit for finding the earring for themselves. Siri definitely would have and Potter probably would have even embellished the story a bit to make himself seem more heroic." She paused and gave him a thoughtful stare that quickly transformed into a bright smile. "You're not like that. You aren't a glory hound, you're honest and you really care about your friends. I've always liked that about you. "

She gave him one last hug before retreating up the stairs, ready for bed after a long day. Peter stared after her for a moment before turning around and exiting the room, making his way back into the corridor. He had to go find James and Sirius, they'd be out searching all night if someone didn't do something about it.

Normally he'd resent being forced to act as the messenger boy once more.

Tonight he felt too warm to care.

**Bullets **

Despite the protests his friends would no doubt make, Remus Lupin was well aware that he was a monster.

Not that he believed himself to be a bad person. He was a pretty decent bloke all in all but every authority in the world, both wizarding and muggle, considered him monster.

And he honestly couldn't blame them.

When you took the time to think about it, it made _sense_. Once a month he turned into a mindless, raging _beast_ that would not only gladly rip his dearest friends apart but also curse them to suffer his own cruel fate should they survive. Remus had seen pictures of transformed werewolves. They were hideous, frightening, monstrous creatures.

And he was one of them.

Remus was used to that. He was used to lying and sneaking and feeling ashamed. He was used to never feeling truly well, to never being quite caught up in class, to all the inconveniences, large and small, that came part and parcel with his condition.

But this? This was truly too much.

It was only a few days after the full moon. He was still sore, the bruises and scratches he inflicted on himself not even fully healed. Most of his peers believed that he'd gone home to attend the funeral of an elderly relative, a great aunt this time. In the course of the past three years Remus had lost two other aunts, an uncle, a godfather, a grandmother, and four cousins, each relation just as imaginary as the rest. General opinion was that Remus's family was either very sickly or very cursed.

Remus stared down at the mostly blank parchment sitting in front of him on the table. The letters making up the title, the only writing on the sheet, were messier than usual, as if whoever had written them had been shaking at the time. **How** **to Kill a Werewolf**, they declared, bold and mocking. Remus didn't even need to look down to see them; they seemed to have permanently etched themselves into his brain.

Professor Harding, this years Defense professor, was a small, weedy man with a perpetually mean look about his eyes. He'd never liked Remus, a fact the boy bore with his usual equanimity. A few glares and backhanded comments were nothing to him; he'd endure far worse in his short life. He could deal easily with the harsher than average grading his essays were subjected to and the constant point loss he suffered for absolutely no reason. He could even handle the demeaning detentions.

This essay, however, was more than he could take.

The common room was absolutely silent save for his increasingly harsh breaths, the others students long gone off to bed. There was no around to see if got upset, no one who would notice or care if the lump forming in his throat got the better of him. He drew his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them, locking his arms around them. He screwed his eyes shut tightly enough to make colors explode behind the lids. It wasn't _fair_.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair! Itwasn'tfairitwasn'tfairitwasn't–

"Remus? Remus are you all right?"

Remus froze. Lily. Of all the people who could have come down the stairs at 3:00 in the morning and it had to be Lily. Sometimes it seemed like the universe at large was bent on tormenting him as much as humanly possible, just for laughs.

He didn't answer, couldn't answer really, because if he did then Lily would _know_, he was sure of it. And if she knew then she'd do what any normal, sane person would do when faced with a monster.

She would run.

Remus wasn't sure he could survive that.

So he stayed quiet, biting his lip and curling even more tightly in on himself. He felt sick and miserable. What would she think of him? He was acting like a madman, curled up in a ball, practically blubbing over a Defense essay due in the morning.

He heard Lily move closer, inching up to him as if she were afraid he might bite her if she got too close. That thought brought a bubble of distinctly hysterical laughter up his throat. He swallowed it with difficulty. If she only knew.

For a moment her small hand rested on his back before she moved closer still and wrapped her arms around him. She laid her head gently on top of his and rocked slightly, back and forth, as if he were very small. He could barely breath around the lump of guilt and shame in his throat. He didn't deserve this. Not from anyone and most certainly not from someone like Lily.

"You must miss her terribly," Lily said, her voice soft and sympathetic. "Were the two of you very close?"

That, of course, was the final straw.

He started to shake all over and his gasping breaths took the final steps toward becoming sobs. Lily tightened her embrace, obviously taking that as an affirmative.

He wished she hadn't. He wished that she would just leave him alone for once. He wanted to yell at her, to push her away screaming horrible things so she would never be kind to him again. _Stop being nice to me! _He wanted to shout. _Stop pretending I can keep you! Can't you see I don't deserve it? Can't you guess? The absences, the scars, the lies? It's all there Lily! And when you finally see it you won't want to be there with it!_

But he didn't. Couldn't. Wouldn't.

Losing Lily would kill him as surely as silver bullet through the heart.

**Medal**

If there was one thing Sirius Black didn't do it was jealousy. It wasn't that it wasn't in his nature, because it was. It was simply that he didn't have a lot to be jealous of. He was widely recognized as the best looking boy in his year and one of the best in the whole school, although at this point that was mostly on potential. He was both magically powerful and wealthy. He was smart and funny and well liked.

In short, he had it _good. _

All in all, he was far more likely to be the object of envy than to suffer from it himself.

In fact, the only thing in the entire world that could move him to jealousy was the attention of his friends. Not the hangers-on who liked to consider themselves his friends, as far as he was concerned they could all go tease a Hungarian Horntail. But when it came to the other Marauders and Lily he tended to get a bit . . . possessive.

For the most part this wasn't a problem. James, Remus, and Peter were his best mates, which meant that in general the rest of the world could go hang when he needed them or even simply wanted them around. With Lily however, things could get a bit more complicated.

Sirius knew that if he ever truly needed her Lily would drop everything to help him. But when it came to the everyday mundane desire for her company she could be a bit stingier. She had this annoying habit of putting other people before him. Slimy, snivelly, Slytherin people.

That was simply not acceptable.

Lily had been his first friend at Hogwarts. When the rest of their house was busy shunning him because of his family and his family was busy doing the same because of his house Lily had been the only person to take the time to get to know him despite numerous warnings from her other acquaintances. For a good month she'd been the only person in the entire school he could honestly count as a friend and if there had been any justice in the world the same would have been true for her.

Unfortunately there wasn't and it wasn't.

Because Lily, sweet, kind, laughing Lily had come to school with a long-standing friend. If her comrade had been like her there would have been no problem, in fact Sirius would probably have become friends with them as well. Sadly, Severus Snape was nothing like his childhood playmate.

He was a dour, greasy, snide asshole and Sirius was honesty at a loss as to why Lily still wanted anything to do with him when she had so many better, and cleaner, options.

So when Lily turned down his invitation to walk around Hogsmeade with the Marauders for the fifth time that year because she'd already promised to spend it with Snape it rubbed him the wrong way, to say the least.

He watched her retreating figure with narrowed eyes. He'd find a way to show her that Snivellus wasn't worth her time if it was the last thing he ever did.

Sirius Black didn't do jealousy and he most certainly didn't do second place.

Revenge, however . . .

Now _that_ he was expert in.

**Polish **

James Potter was certain that Lily Evans was the craziest, scariest girl he'd ever meet even if he lived to be as old as the Headmaster. She was absolutely barking mad. It hadn't even been that bad really, just a silly little joke, but she'd blown it completely out of proportion. And of course instead of just crying about it to a teacher like a normal girl Evans had decided to get even.

She had succeeded.

Jams scowled slightly at the remembrance. Sure, his hair as unruly but he happened to like it like that thankyouverymuch. Using the muggle version of a permanent sticking charm (And what kind of a name was super-gloo anyhow? Muggles were mad.) to attach several combs to his face and head was completely uncalled for. So what if he'd started it by charming her hair to change color according to her mood. She'd been so angry that it had stayed red most of the time anyway.

Of course, just because hers was an act of retaliation didn't mean he could let it go unanswered. He'd responded by charming all her quills to write nothing but dirty words for two weeks. She then proceeded to steal all of his underwear and hang them in the Great Hall.

The situation between them continued to escalate from there, with each of them trying to top the other in causing their opponent the most humiliation. It was a vicious cycle, one that had landed both of them in significant amounts of trouble. Normally this wouldn't bother James a bit, he was used to chaos, enjoyed it, strove to cause it, but there were only two weeks until term was over and he was going to have to face his mother soon. It was always best to lay low for the few weeks before the holidays so that she had time to cool off before he saw her. Unfortunately Evans didn't seem inclined to stop the war between them any time soon and he sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to surrender

James Potter did _not _back down.

Ever.

Which was exactly why James Potter was stuck polishing the entire trophy room at close midnight on a Saturday with his favorite nemesis.

He grumbled and scrubbed viciously at the silver plaque he was currently working on. Lily hadn't said anything in ages, his arms ached something fierce, and they were nowhere near finished with their assigned task. He was very, very bored.

And it was all Evans's fault.

He huffed and scrubbed harder, growing more agitated by the second as the silence stretched longer and longer. She could at least have the decency to talk to him. Didn't she have _any_ manners? He didn't know what all his friends saw in her.

Sure she was smart. And yeah, she was really nice to most everyone but she wasn't all _that_ great. She was funny he supposed, and there was no denying that she was brave and determined, she'd have given up on trying to get the best of him ages ago if she wasn't. She was loyal too, now that he thought about it and she pulled a good prank, which was an absolute must in his book.

You could call her pretty. Most people did, actually. Her eyes really were lovely and certain parts of her anatomy were no longer quite so scrawny since her latest growth spurt. And she smelled nice, like flowers and cookies. She had nice laugh too and a great smile. James was especially fond . . . of . . . her . . . dimples . . .

No.

Nonononononono.

Absolutely not.

He didn't. He _couldn't._ It quite simply wasn't possible.

Except it _was_.

James stared in horror at the girl sitting as far away from him as she could manage without actually leaving the room.

Lily Evans was the scariest girl he'd ever met.

And he _fancied_ her.

This year couldn't end soon enough.

**A/N: Done. That was harder than I thought it would be. It's been such a long time since I worked on this story that catching the right tone and remembering my characterizations was difficult.**

**Did anyone catch the Princess Bride reference? I couldn't resist throwing it in there. **

**Next Chapter Theme: Marauders (Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs)**

**Reviews are appreciated and adored, especially those with constructive criticisms.**


	4. Year Four: Marauders Animagi

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

**A/N: Finally, I'm back on track with this fic! It was the first thing I ever posted so I'm really attached to it.**

**Year Four: Marauders/Animagi**

**Moony**

Remus felt that it was important to note that he hadn't asked for any of this.

Ever.

Not even that one time last summer when they got into Mr. Potter's liquor cabinet and managed to get utterly smashed.

He done a lot of stupid things that evening, none of which he wished to remember and all of which his friends had pictures of, but asking for _this_ certainly hadn't been among them. This was a level of stupidity that could only be reached by the truly gifted.

And whatever else you could say about them, no one in their right mind could deny that James Potter and Sirius Black were two extremely gifted boys.

Remus glowered darkly at his friends. The prats hadn't even deigned to tell him about their plan until they were more than halfway done and so he'd felt free to wash his hands of the matter, content in the knowledge that they had gotten themselves into the mess that was his 'condition' on their own.

For his part, Remus though that being a werewolf was a large enough secret all by itself without adding any more complications. He certainly could have done without the knowledge that his cohorts were regularly risking life, limb, and what few dubious dredges remained of their sanity so that he wouldn't get lonely during the full moon.

Remus had tried, _repeatedly_ tried, to reason with them. He told them that as a wolf he didn't get lonely. He told them horror stories of transformations gone wrong. He told them that they were horrible nosy gits who needed to mind their own business before they got themselves into trouble so deep they drowned in it.

The first they didn't believe. The seconded they dismissed as alarmism. And the third was acknowledged cheerfully before they asked if he was just figuring that out now. Wasn't he supposed to be the smart one?

And so from the end of third year, instead of occupying themselves with breaking as many school rules as possible, they kept themselves busy breaking the law.

He was officially friends with felons.

His mother would be _so _proud.

Remus put up with it good naturedly, for the most part at least. He refused to help them in their scheme but he wouldn't directly hinder them either. However, when the group hit its first real roadblock and decided that they wanted to drag an innocent outside party into their plot Remus put his foot down. It was, quite simply, not. Going. To. Happen.

"Absolutely not."

"But Remus– "

"No."

"But Lily's the perfect person to–"

"No."

"But we _need _that potion to find out our forms!"

"I said no Sirius! Several time in fact, in a variety ways. I'm getting ready to start switching languages. It doesn't matter how many times you ask. My answer will remain no."

His answer, of course, did not remain no.

Remus felt that it was important to note that his friends' combined powers of persuasion were far from inconsiderable.

Which, of course, is how he found himself sitting across from Lily in the fourth year's boy's dorm, their friends ranged behind him supportively, about to tell her his deepest, darkest secret.

He'd made a few false starts and though he was well aware that he must seem utterly mad he couldn't manage anything other than some general small talk and squeaking noises. The tension had risen to almost an unbearable level and, seemingly desperate for a way to relieve it, Peter simply blurted it out.

"Remus is a werewolf!" he yelped. Except he said it very fast so it sounded more like Remesisawerewolf.

For a moment there was utter silence

Lily stared a Remus. Remus stared at Peter. Peter stared at his shoes. Peter's shoes didn't stare at anybody but James and Sirius stared up at the ceiling as if it held all the secrets of the universe. A rather unfortunate Frank Longbottom happened to wander into the room but quickly backed out again when everyone simultaneously turned around to stare at him.

Remus felt that it was important to note that none of his comrades were particularly gifted in the art of subtly.

Frank's small interruption was enough to break everyone out of their stupor. As usual, Lily was the first to recover verbally.

"I know."

This time _everyone_ stared at Lily.

She grinned at him, a wicked, dimpled thing, alive with mischief and affection, and sighed dramatically. "Honestly! You'd think I was thick or something the way you lot carry on sometimes. I've known since first year."

This, of course, brought on another bout of flabbergasted silence.

"W-why didn't you ever say anything?" Remus finally managed to stutter.

Lily shrugged, all easy nonchalance and practiced calm. "I always figured that you'd tell me when you were ready. Now, do you idiots want to take the batch of animagus potion I've whipped up for you right now or should we do this later?"

Upon receiving no answer to her query Lily hopped off the bed she was perched on and made her way towards the door.

"The vials are in my trunk. Be back in a flash."

Remus felt that it was important to note that Lily Evans was the most brilliantly scary girl he'd ever met.

And also that he had no clue what they'd do without her.

**Wormtail**

A rat.

He was a rat.

Peter clenched his fists and glared down at shoes as he stormed down the corridor leading to Gryffindor Tower. It wasn't fair. He'd worked just as hard as the others. Harder even! It came easily to them but he had struggled every step of the way for months! Months! Only to find out yesterday that he was nothing but a common rat.

A filthy, thieving, unwanted rat.

He hadn't been expecting much, hadn't even dared to hope for something large and impressive. His dreams were more modest, a small dog perhaps or a bird of prey. He was so happy to have the chance to become an animagus that he'd never really worried about his form beyond the usual musing about how horrid it would be to end up as a goldfish or something equally useless.

He would have picked a goldfish over a rat if he'd had a choice.

He bit out the password and hurried through the portrait hole, ignoring the Fat Lady's comments about how his face would freeze that way if he weren't careful. Let it. He didn't care anymore.

He stomped up the stairs to the room he shared with the other Marauders. Now _they_ were impressive. There had never been any doubt about that. James and Sirius had never once doubted that their animal forms would be amazing, just as their human ones were. James was a towering, majestic stag, Sirius a massive, fearsome dog.

He was a rat.

A _rat_.

_It'll be useful Pete,_ he mocked silently. _Think of all the sneaking about you'll be able to do, Pete. You'll be able to get us past the willow, Pete. _He'd like to see how they'd react to being a rat. It was all well and good when it was _him_ but he was willing to bet that if James had found out that his form was something so unimpressive the whole affair would have been called off and no one would have given it a second thought.

He slammed into their dormitory and threw himself down onto his bed, intending to stare at the ceiling nursing his resentment for as long as possible. However, he found his brooding immediately and jarringly interrupted by the telltale crackle of paper being sat on.

Peter ripped the paper out from where it was trapped under his back already fuming over the interruption and fully prepared to set the unfortunate writing utensil on fire when he caught sight of the writing on the front.

_Pete_, it said simply, the heavy, creamy paper folded so that it was its own envelope, the small wax seal in the middle bearing the impression of a single lily. If the seal and the paper hadn't been enough to identify the sender then the soft, flowing cursive certainly would have been. Peter would recognize that hand writing anywhere. All his previous intentions to destroy the missive dissolved.

Lily.

The Christmas of their second year Peter, Remus, and Sirius had each bought Lily what was destined to become one piece of a rather spectacular stationary set. Peter had picked out the paper. Remus had bought her a beautiful ever-inked eagle feather quill. And Sirius, in his usual over the top manner, had special ordered a delicate, self-heating seal of pure goblin silver. Lily had been overjoyed and guarded her treasures closely, keeping them all together in a large jewelry box that had belonged to her grandmother and only bringing them out to use on special occasions.

Whatever the letter contained it was likely important.

Peter opened it and began to read.

There was no salutation. Lily seemed to want to get straight to the point. She usually did.

_In the East, particularly China and Japan, the rat is considered a symbol of good luck and wealth. It is revered for being quick witted and for it's ability to collect and hold onto items of value. Rats on the Chinese Zodiac are seen as charming and clever. They are believed to have excellent natural taste and a sharp, funny sense of humor. Rats make friends easily and are generous and loyal towards those they care about._

_I thought you seemed a bit disappointed yesterday. I can't imagine why._

_With love,_

_Lily_

Peter stared at the letter grasped tightly in his hands in silence, shocked and happy all at once. Then he smiled, a small wobbly affair that looked like it could be knocked away by a stiff breeze, and started to read it again.

**Padfoot**

Cassiopeia Black, Sirius's great-grandmother, was a powerful and talented Seer who had lived nearly two hundred years ago. Of course, being a Black, the fact of her death did nothing to stop her from plaguing and tormenting her descendents with constant warnings and predictions that were as unnerving as they unerring. Her portrait was always kept covered and was only brought out on special occasions or when a member of the family found themselves in need of guidance.

Even now, old Cassiopeia was the one who gave the final approvals on all marriages, business ventures, and political schemes that the family indulged in. She also bore the distinct honor of being the one to name the children.

Every Black born for the past two hundred and sixty-eight eight years, no matter where they were born or what complications occurred were, in the hours directly after their birth, dragged up to the attic room where her portrait was hung to be inspected and labeled appropriately.

And the names were always, _always_ appropriate.

Sirius knew the story of his own naming well, the tale told over and over again at his request. It had been the talk of the family for some years, so auspicious, so encouraging had the old prophet's words been.

His birth had been an easy one, the labor short as if he were eager to greet the world, rushing right from the start. A boy who already knew that life was a race. His mother, exhausted but healthy, had insisted on bucking tradition and accompanying her husband and their new son on their visit to see the portrait.

According to family lore, Cassiopeia had stared at him in silence for a long time. Longer than his brother and all three of his cousins combined and his parents had feared that no name would be granted, a sure sign that he would die in infancy.

The she had smiled.

"He shall be called Sirius," she'd intoned. "For he shall shine brighter than all others, though his path is very dark."

And with those portentous words the old woman had fallen silent and the small family had left. His father always swore that he'd heard laughter trailing after them.

Lily, of course, had heard the story many times over the years and, always eager for a laugh, had been the first to understand the joke the old woman had pulled on them fourteen years ago.

"The D-dog Star!" she finally managed to gasp between laughter. She'd dissolved into near hysterics after he announced his future form. "Y-you're na-amed after– oh god– the Dog S-star! And you-you're a dog! She had you pegged Siri! Right from the start, she had you pegged!"

And while Sirius usually loathed being the butt of a joke he found that this time he didn't really mind.

He had to get his sense of humor from _somewhere_, after all.

**Prongs**

When Sirius had proposed involving Lily in their scheme to become animagi James had thought it was a good idea. Lily was smart and discreet and loyal. She seemed an obvious choice.

On paper everyone seemed to win. Remus would have one more friend he wouldn't have to lie to, they would be guaranteed a version of the animagus potion that wouldn't kill them all in a horribly gruesome manner, and Lily would be impressed with them.

Impressed with _him_.

It was, quite simply, too good a deal to pass up. So when the time came to put it to a vote James had obviously voted yes.

He had also obviously forgotten exactly who they were dealing with.

Because while Lily_ was_ smart and discreet and loyal she also knew how to hold a grudge, and hold one she did. So instead of basking in her admiration as he'd planned James found himself obliged to look on while she showered it onto his friends instead while completely ignoring him.

This wasn't anything new, of course. Lily had always avoided and ignored him whenever possible, especially when any of the others were around. But while her dismissive behavior had always grated on his nerves it had never made him as positively spitting mad as it did now. Actually caring about what she thought of him was an exercise in near constant humiliation.

Fancying Lily Evans was the _worst_ thing that had _ever_ happened to him.

So when Lily felt the need to mention how useful Peter's rat form would be for the fifty millionth time James couldn't help but intervene.

"What about me?" he snapped, glaring darkly at the back of her head.

Lily turned around and eyed him disdainfully. "What about you?"

"You've gone on and on about how useful and amazing and brilliant Sirius and Peter will be. What about me?" James winced. He'd meant to sound nonchalant or at the very least indignant but the words had come out whiny and rather bitter. His vocal cords never seemed to cooperate properly when Lily was around.

Lily stared at him for a moment, her large green eyes considering, and James felt hope flare inside of him. Here it was, the praise and admiration he'd been waiting for. Lily couldn't deny him his due now, not when he'd so obviously brought it to her attention.

But of course, being Lily, she could.

"Well," she said slowly. "I _suppose _you'll have your uses too."

"Like what?" scoffed Sirius. "Besides prancing about looking like a ponce, of course, which he already does very well while human."

James opened his mouth to tell his best friend off when, shockingly Lily beat him to it.

"Now, now Siri. Be nice." She waggled her finger at the offending boy, her sparkling with a particularly dangerous kind of mischief. "Potter's form is very useful! Why, if you tied a load of wet laundry to those over glorified coat hangers of his at the beginning of the night then by the time you came in it would all be dry! The house elves will love him!"

James scowled darkly as his friends dissolved into laughter, all hints of loyalty overcome by the image of him running around with parts tied to his head.

Fancying Lily Evans?

Worst. Thing. Ever.

**A/N: Chapter four done! Hope it didn't disappoint. Oh, and in James's section pants means **_**under**_**pants. I've been exercising my Brit-speak.**

**Next chapter: O.W.L.S. **

**Remember, reviews are both appreciated and adored. I'm not at all shy of constructive criticism so by all means, fire away!**


	5. Year Five: OWLS

**Disclaimer: This is not mine and no spell in the world can make it so.**

**Year Five: O.W.L.S.**

_**O**_ther Side

All things considered it was surprising that it hadn't happened before. Considering their personalities, frequent clashes seemed inevitable.

But they hadn't been.

Sure they'd had their spats but they'd never really fought before. She'd never just stopped talking to him.

He didn't like it.

He didn't like it at _all_.

James was the one she hated. James was the one she was supposed to fight with and yell at and ignore. Not him. Never him. He'd been her first friend. The one who listened to her and made her laugh and protected her even when she didn't want him to.

It wasn't fair. It was just Snivillus. It wasn't anything they hadn't done a hundred times before and it wasn't like he didn't give back as good as he got for just as little reason.

But they'd never done it in front of Lily before.

_Bully. _She'd called him a _bully. _

All things considered it was surprising that it hadn't happened before.

He was going to do his damnedest to ensure that it never happened again.

_**W**_aking Up

Whatever else anyone could say about James Potter no could deny that he was a smart boy. That said, he'd been acting very stupid for a very long time.

And he'd just realized it.

It was like waking up from a long dream and then finding out that he'd been sleepwalking and had actually done all the ridiculous things he was dreaming about.

Rather embarrassing actually.

He liked to think he was a relatively intelligent individual so the revelation that he'd spent the better part of the past five yeas acting like an utter ass was rather disheartening. He felt like he'd been put under the imperius by a retarded, mildly sadistic monkey with a bad sense of humor.

Because honestly, how had he _ever _believed thatacting like a puffed up, bullying, berk was going to get him _anywhere_ with a girl like Lily? He didn't have an answer.

But he did have a plan.

Lily wouldn't even look at him much less talk to him. Their relationship had officially hit rock bottom.

There was nowhere to go but up.

_**L**_ast to Know

There were two things Peter Pettigrew could be sure of:

He'd loved Lily Evens since he was eleven years old.

It had been a colossal waste of time.

He'd honestly thought he'd had a chance. Not a good chance, not really. But the underdog won sometimes, the nice guy didn't always finish last and that had kept him going. He'd never thought he was in first place in the race for Lily's heart, had always known that if he won it would be a come from behind victory, had always known he would probably lose.

Now he knew better.

You couldn't lose when you'd never been in the running to begin with.

_**S**_tanding up

Albert Einstein once said, "The worst evil is indifference."

Remus knew those words by heart. The son of an Auror, he had been taught from childhood to believe that if he wasn't part of the solution he was part of the problem, that if he stood by while wrong was being done then that was just as bad as doing it himself.

His parents had been so _proud_ when he'd received his prefect badge. If they could see what he had done with it he was sure they wouldn't be.

He'd become a bystander, a spectator. He watched for years as his friends teased and tormented and broke the rules. He'd stood by and watched and never said anything as they did things he knew were wrong because he was afraid. He was afraid that they would decide that being friends with a werewolf was too much trouble after all, afraid that they would leave him behind if he refused to go along.

But then, the people they'd picked on over the years had been afraid too.

He'd been worse than afraid.

He'd been a coward.

But he was done. He was done with cowardice. He was done being a bystander. He. Was. Done.

He was still afraid but it was time to grow up.

Things would be different from now on.

He would make sure of it.

**A/N: This chapter was actually completed as part of my 2009 NaNoWriMo project. **

**Next up: **_**Year Six: Trees**_

**As always reviews are both appreciated and adored! I fear no constructive criticism! : )**


	6. Year Six: Trees

**Disclaimer: If you believe that I own this could I interest you in a very nice hover car? I'll even give you the friend of a friend of a stranger discount. : )**

**Year Six: Trees**

**Willow (regret)**

Sirius Black never thought he'd be in the position of hating a tree.

But he was.

He also never thought he'd manage to make all his friends hate him, nearly kill someone, or betray everyone he cared about in one fell swoop.

But he had.

He wasn't perfect. He had a plethora of ugly faults that lay disturbingly close to the surface. He was quick tempered and unforgiving. He held grudges and didn't think things through. He was dismissive and careless. He lied. He marveled sometimes that his friends had stuck with him for as long as they had.

He couldn't blame them for leaving. Not now. Not after that.

He deserved to be alone.

He deserved worse.

But he'd told the Headmaster the truth. It was supposed to be a prank, a vicious one certainly but no one was _ever_ supposed to get hurt. Not even Snivillus.

He was just so – so mad! The greasy git had been going on about how his family was better off now that that he'd gone away and that the Potter's had to be barmy to take troublesome, worthless scum like him in and he'd just snapped. It was like his brain had just stopped working and all he'd wanted to do was to make Snivillus feel as bad as he did.

Sending someone to face a full grown werewolf unawares seemed like a surefire way to make them feel bad.

He was right.

Snape hadn't gone within ten feet of any of them since that night.

Unfortunately his friends were staying even farther away from him.

He'd take it back if he could. He'd sell his soul if it got them to forgive him, if it would erase the betrayal from Remus's eyes, the fury from James and Lily's, the scorn from Peter's.

He wished he could turn back time.

But he couldn't.

**Arborvitae (unchanging friendship) **

Prefect rounds were Remus's favorite time of the day. Hogwarts was always beautiful but the quiet dark made it even more so.

And then there was the Lily Factor.

Rounds were one of the only times that Remus could count on having Lily all to himself anymore. It was the only time he could talk to her uninterrupted, without worrying that James or Peter would show up. He didn't mind most of the time. Like Hogwarts, Lily was lovely in the starlight.

But then Lily was always lovely.

They were silent tonight and he was enjoying the quiet and the way the moonlight reflected off her skin as she walked slightly ahead of him.

Sometimes it seemed like he was always following Lily, trailing in her wake as she blazed ahead, always just out of reach. Lily was a star, brilliant and shining, and everyone who knew her ended up caught in her field of gravity.

It was the Lily Factor.

That was their name for it, his and the other Marauders', the planets who circled her most closely. Sirius had been the one to dream it up.

Sirius had loved her too. Had loved all of them. Probably loved them still.

He was angry and hurt and betrayed but most of all he was lonely. Sirius's absence was a constant ache, an empty space nothing else could fill.

He missed his friend.

The Marauders were his family. He wanted that family whole again.

Things would change. Life would go on. But there were certain things that he knew he would always be able to count on.

He stopped and watched as Lily moved farther and farther away down the corridor. She paused and glanced over her shoulder, quirking an eyebrow and smiling at him.

"Are you coming?"

He smiled back.

"Yeah. I'm coming."

He followed.

**Juniper (protection)**

He couldn't protect her. She had _needed_ him, really, truly_ needed him_ for the first time ever and he hadn't been able to do _anything_.

When push came to shove he had failed.

Lily had protected them all and it had landed her here. Fighting for her life in a hospital already overflowing with casualties.

The attack on Hogsmeade had been fast and brutal. No one had expected it. No one had been prepared. Everyone had panicked.

Everyone except Lily.

Lily was the best charms student Hogwarts had seen in centuries and the bravest person he'd ever known. She had more than proved both today. She'd risked her life fighting back, creating enough portkeys to evacuate most of the student body and a good portion of the town. She'd gone so far as to throw active portkeys at any students who tried to stay and fight, including him.

She'd saved hundreds of lives and now she was in danger of losing her own.

How many people could say that they'd faced down Voldemort himself and lived to tell the tale? She'd stared him down and refused to budge, even under intense torture.

He paced up and down the corridor of the St. Mungos Emergency Ward. The others were huddled in a miserable clump against the wall. She had been in there for almost four hours and there was still no word. They were silent. There was nothing to say that could make this better.

The door to her room opened. A healer stuck his head out. They all froze.

He smiled.

"She'll be fine."

All the muscles that had been tying themselves in knots for the past four hours suddenly, and simultaneously loosened. He slumped against the wall, slid to the floor, and buried his head in his knees, breathing like he'd just run a marathon.

She'd be fine.

She'd be _fine_.

He'd make sure she stayed that way if it killed him.

**Apple (temptation) **

There were so many reasons to say yes.

It was easy. He wanted to win. He wanted to be safe.

He would be the hero.

Peter was observant. He knew an opportunity when he saw one. He knew that this was probably his only chance of becoming a hero. History was written by the victors after all, he was just making sure he was on the winning team.

There were so many reasons to say yes.

So he did.

**A/N: Didn't I promise that the updates would be coming faster? This chapter was another piece of my NaNoWriMo 2009 project, which accounts for its speedy posting. As always, reviews (particularly those with constructive criticism) are appreciated and adored. **

**Next up: **_**Year Seven: Lily **_


	7. Year Seven: Lily

**Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me. Zip, nada, zilch. I swear it solemnly. **

**Year Seven: Lily**

**White (sweetness, modesty, purity)**

Lily was his angel. Fierce and lovely and incorruptible. She was his conscience, his friend, his sun.

But she wasn't _his_.

She didn't belong to him the way she belonged to James, viscerally and eternally, and that was okay. He didn't want that from her. For him Lily would always be just a little bit out of reach, she would remain forever untouchable and innocent.

She had grown into a beautiful, powerful woman but there was a large part of him that would forever see her as the pale, delicate eleven-year-old with eyes too big and perfect to be real that he met seven years ago. That child still lingered in the corners of her smile, in her laugh, in the way she still danced whenever she thought no one was watching.

Remus adored Lily and he knew that she felt the same way.

It was enough.

**Imperial (majesty) **

Sirius was raised to believe that people like Lily were lower than the dirt beneath his feet. He grew up hearing about the filth and depravity of muggles, grew up with the knowledge that he was inherently better than billions of people by the simple virtue of his blood.

He knew these things the way he knew his name, believed them with all of his heart, never doubted their veracity for a moment.

Then he lost his heart to a tiny warrior queen and never looked back.

The Black family had always had a weakness for royalty.

It amazed him that even after watching Lily charm and conquer and thrive there were still people who would go to the grave swearing she was inferior. It was mindboggling that anyone could believe that she was anything less brilliant.

It was terrifying to realize that he was once one of them.

He thanked every god he knew on a regular basis for setting him straight but in the end he knew that it was thanks to _her_.

Lily saved his life. She was his hero, his savior, his guardian angel.

He would do anything for her and knew that she would do the same.

It was enough.

**Yellow (falsehood)**

When people were asked which of the Marauders was the best prankster he knew that the answer would never be him.

And _that_ was precisely what made him the best.

He had them all fooled. He smiled and laughed and played the chump and no one doubted him for a moment. No one thought to look beneath the surface. No one was interested enough. No one cared enough.

Even Lily, who he'd loved and watched and cared for, was content with the image he projected.

He loved her. She loved his mask.

It would never be enough.

**Arum (ardor)**

James Potter had always been the guy who had everything. Looks, brains, wealth, power. He had it all.

And for years he'd thought that he deserved it.

He'd believed that he deserved the adulation of his peers, the respect of his professors, and the awe of those he considered beneath himself. And everyone else seemed to believe he deserved it too. Anyone who didn't was easily dismissible

Except Lily.

Lily was brilliant and pretty and scornful and so far from dismissible that the word could barely be used in the same sentence. It had taken him years and years of hard work and failure and struggle to win even minute amounts of approval.

And now she loved him.

_She _loved him.

She _loved_ him.

She loved _him_.

It was more than enough.

**A/N: Still part of NaNoWriMo. This is the last normal chapter. All that left is the Epilogue where you'll get your first and last glimpse of things from Lily's point of view. **

**All reviews are appreciated and adored, particularly those containing constructive criticism. : )**


	8. Epilogue: A Separate Place

**Disclaimer: Not. Mine.**

**A/N: This is it. The end of the road. The final curtain. What a long strange trip it's been. I'll catch you on the flipside.**

**Epilogue: A Separate Place**

Lily stared silently down at the world below her. It was peaceful. Happy. Idyllic.

Safe.

Summer had come to Hogwarts. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The flowers were blooming. Looking at the pleasant scene playing out before her eyes it was hard to believe that outside a war was raging.

But it was.

Outside of this small, separate world people were dying everyday. They were being tortured and hunted. They were afraid.

She was about to become one of them.

Her seven years of innocence were up.

Even with what had happened to her in sixth year the war had never been quite real to Lily. It had seemed so far away from her world of grades and friends and schoolyard dramatics. Hogwarts was a world apart from that weary, everyday horror. It was eons away from the terror that was strangling the outside world. It was a separate place, the last cradle of innocence in a world that was slowly shredding itself to bits.

And it was up to her generation to fix it.

_They_ were the ones who would go out and fight. _They _were the ones who would be left to repair what was left of the world when the fight was over. _They _were the ones who would die trying.

Lily thought of her friends. Careful, watchful Peter. Sweet, scholarly Remus. Brilliant, impulsive Sirius. And James. James who was kind and smart and funny. James who was brave and powerful and still thought he was immortal. James who loved her.

James who she loved.

Lily was not afraid of her own death. The world would go on turning without her in it. Her friends would miss her and they would be sad but eventually time would heal all the wounds her absence left and history would not suffer for it.

But it was different for those four. They were a part of something bigger, something intrinsic and compelling and vital. They were standing on the axis this whole war was turning on, they were the ones who would determine its course. The choices they made today would shape history. All she could do was try to protect them.

She sighed and closed her eyes, stepping away from the tower window. Tomorrow she would get on a train and leave her childhood behind forever.

The world was waiting.

They were ready.

**A/N: Still more NaNoWriMo nonsense. : ) This is the end of A Separate Place but I did write an oneshot from Snape's point of view that corresponds with chapter seven: Lily. If you enjoyed this fic check it out once I post it.**

**As always, reviews are appreciated and adored. Bear in mind that I have no fear of constructive criticism. **


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